Greetings, gentle readers, this week I plague entice your imaginations with just a few of the vexing and perplexing questions that both vex and perplex me as I wander the realms of fantasy fiction and games. Ready? Of course you are!
First, please understand that, as a long time fantasy fan, I have complete respect for anyone willing to take on the daunting task of creating entertainment for the masses. It’s a thankless job (except for the occasional paycheck) and writers, artists and game developers don’t get nearly enough credit for the complex realities they bring us on a daily basis. That said, I have to wonder…
-How do solitary, wandering warriors get in and out of their plate mail at the end of the day, or when they have to pee?
-Why is ‘Actuary’ never offered as a playable character class?
-If every elf you encounter is a perfect specimen of ethereal beauty and grace, are they still perfect and ethereally beautiful when they poop?
-Wait, do elves poop?
-Do they burp?
-If elven societies are all remote bastions of high culture and learning, then who gets stuck cleaning the bathrooms?
-Who takes out the trash?
-If all trolls can be deemed evil as a species, can all pixies be deemed irritating as a species?
-Why are there no troll actuaries?
-If neither Nair nor safety razors exist in faux medieval society, why are chainmail bikinis considered an acceptable armor option rather than portable torture devices?
-Why are chainmail bikinis considered an acceptable armor option?
-Why is plate mail two words but chainmail is only one?
-If thieves’ guilds are supposed to be silent, shadowy organizations, how come every unwashed NPC serf you encounter not only knows about them, but can tell you how to find them?
-If the ogre I defeat drops money, but he isn’t wearing any pants… where was he keeping it?
-How do teen-aged goblins rebel against their parents?
-If dwarves are always the undisputed master-craftsman race, why are elven products always so much cooler?
-I understand that I can turn undead, but into what?
-And finally, if half the Player Characters I encounter are also “brooding, noble outcasts of an otherwise evil race”, am I still special?
That’s it for this week, folks. I bid you ponder these imponderables (you know, when the boss isn’t looking) until we meet again, next week. There may be a quiz. You have been warned.
Fair Game updates every Monday.
By: Lisa Jonte - New installments of Fair Game can be found at MMORPG.com.