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Greetings, gentle readers, this week I plague entice your imaginations with just a few of the vexing and perplexing questions that both vex and perplex me as I wander the realms of fantasy fiction and games.  Ready?  Of course you are!

First, please understand that, as a long time fantasy fan, I have complete respect for anyone willing to take on the daunting task of creating entertainment for the masses.  It’s a thankless job (except for the occasional paycheck) and writers, artists and game developers don’t get nearly enough credit for the complex realities they bring us on a daily basis.  That said, I have to wonder…

-How do solitary, wandering warriors get in and out of their plate mail at the end of the day, or when they have to pee?

-Why is ‘Actuary’ never offered as a playable character class?

-Enchanted weapons, enchanted armor… where are the enchanted socks?

-If every elf you encounter is a perfect specimen of ethereal beauty and grace, are they still perfect and ethereally beautiful when they poop?

-Wait, do elves poop?

-Do they burp?

-If elven societies are all remote bastions of high culture and learning, then who gets stuck cleaning the bathrooms?

-Who takes out the trash?

-If all trolls can be deemed evil as a species, can all pixies be deemed irritating as a species?

-Why are there no troll actuaries?

-If neither Nair nor safety razors exist in faux medieval society, why are chainmail bikinis considered an acceptable armor option rather than portable torture devices?

-Why are chainmail bikinis considered an acceptable armor option?

-Why is plate mail two words but chainmail is only one?

-If thieves’ guilds are supposed to be silent, shadowy organizations, how come every unwashed NPC serf you encounter not only knows about them, but can tell you how to find them?

-When it comes to unicorns, white wine, or red?

-If the ogre I defeat drops money, but he isn’t wearing any pants… where was he keeping it?

-How do teen-aged goblins rebel against their parents?

-If dwarves are always the undisputed master-craftsman race, why are elven products always so much cooler?

-I understand that I can turn undead, but into what?

-And finally, if half the Player Characters I encounter are also “brooding, noble outcasts of an otherwise evil race”, am I still special?

That’s it for this week, folks. I bid you ponder these imponderables (you know, when the boss isn’t looking) until we meet again, next week. There may be a quiz. You have been warned.

Fair Game updates every Monday.

By: Lisa Jonte - New installments of Fair Game can be found at MMORPG.com.