Welcome to the BROken Isles, where mysteries abound and everything is on fire. Green fire. It is a place filled with treasures and big giant glowing things that may or may not include some chick’s tears, the ultimate beer pong table, a big smashy stick that makes pointy glowing rocks, and Queen Azshara’s whispering eye. Come as we take you on a journey to where it all started. A more peaceful time before the Draenei and the Worgen, because they suck.
Today, our worries are set in the land of Azuna, a zone bathed in the rich backgrounds of the Highborne and their ultimate downfall, when the lovely and psycho-lady Queen Azshara basically said “Screw all of you, I want ultimate power and big boobs!” Instead she was given the power of snake hair and was probably granted seashell bras and fish gill nipples or something. Let’s move on to something less likely of tickling my gag reflexes.
I personally want to give a shout out to the bros of the Zone, Runas the Shamed and Prince Farondis. Your stories win the expansion and they were way too short lived.
The zone starts out rather droll as Khadgar is all like, “Hey dude, these are my demon hunter pals, you should totes help them out, bro.”, which, of course, you do and they just make you hate anything and everything around you. To no surprise, your Illidari Edgey McEdgersters, only listen to dubstep and idolize Sonny Moore. Even though they didn’t know Moore used to be an edgelord himself in the days of Screamo rock music, basically tell you that they done screwed up and can’t do exactly what they gouged their own eyes out to do. Yeah, they need help hunting demons. The worst of these being Jace “My life is a dark spiraling hole of black, and my haircut is stupid too” Darkweaver, who reminds me of that kid on WoW who thinks he’s totally awesome at everything Warcraft related and is overly enthusiastic about how much he has done for everyone. Jace, who thinks everyone is his friend. I do not understand my thought process behind it, but that is how I feel about him.
Yes, who knew the Illidari were actually so incompetent that they can’t even protect themselves against the one damn thing they actually, oh I don’t know…hunt? Below is a still of the text log from a quest where you have to save demon hunters from being enslaved by demons who are trying to corrupt them into switching sides. This one does not even answer the damn question. Warning: there may be strong language.
Not soon after you enter the zone and quickly deal with the Illidari and their screw ups, you are sent to venture forth throughout the zone. The zone in itself is quite possibly the most aesthetically pleasing due to its structures and questing areas. The western parts of the zone are by far the least interesting portions, but everything else is very inviting and always different. First, you fight demons in a very demon-like area, then you go on to help the blue dragon flight and the oldest dragon alive, who is a major badass by the way, and even meet some new friends who you pretty much think might backstab you the whole time, but end up being your bro ’til the end of his pathetic and miserable life. When you’re finished sending your brand new bestie off with a final brofist into wherever Nightfallen go when they die, you can venture out toward Nar’thalas, home to Prince Farondis and his people.
When you arrive in Nar’thalas, your objective is to find the Prince himself and ask the first guard about it by dropping his name. This guard, of course, agrees to take you to him and nonchalantly drops something of distaste for their leader, as they lead you through some Naga fighting. The Highborne there are translucent mind you, almost ghostly. Finally, you arrive at your destination and the guard asks if you’ll please spit upon their lord when you see them. Confused as to what the heck is happening, you can go around talking to the some of the NPCs, mostly just clicking on them a bunch, and each one of them talks poorly about their Prince. I mean they pretty much hate this guy, which is odd because when you finally meet him yourself he’s like the nicest dude in the world. You ask him about the Pillar of Creation for which you seek, and he, with an understanding heart, says that it had been shattered long ago. Fortunately, he has an idea, and ventures with you to the ruins of the main bulk of the city. Whilst you leave he tells his subjects of his leave and they reluctantly cheer and tell him to go die. No joke, they really hate this guy.
The good Prince follows you into the ruins of Nar’thalas and tells you of his sorrows and his betrayal to his people, which left them cursed and unable to pass on to the afterlife. His woes are without mention as it turns out, he does the right thing ultimately for his subjects, as the person he actually denied was Queen Azshara herself, who makes an appearance closer to the end of the quest line. The Prince agrees to lead you through the rest of the ruins and up through to what is basically the Hogwarts of the Highborne. There he tells you he will not help you any further and kinda bitches out only to return when you get captured and saves your life from two Naga who want to reenact the rape scene from Pulp Fiction. After he saves you from being anally raped by two scaly, slithery dudes, you rejoin forces together and push after the Naga who left you for dead and discover a more dreadful fate to the Pillar of Creation, which leads you in to the Eye of Azshara. After you beat down Nagas and strange water beast thing who I think may be an elemental lord enslaved by Azshara, you retake the Pillar and bring it back safely to Dalaran.
*Achievement Unlocked: Azuna Matata*
There is tons that Azuna has to offer however. For example tons of easter eggs, including Charlie the Unicorn complete with Kidneys. Yes, candy mountain exists, and shun those who don’t believe in it. Why, there is even a bridge to Candy mountain that helps point you to your destination!
OH MY GOD, IT STILL EXISTS BLIZZARD? Are you sure about that? Strangely enough, the island kingdom in which Jaina hails from, Kul’tiras, even makes an appearance in the form of some marines that got put into slavery by the Naga. The island itself may yield content in a future patch along with the end of Queen Azshara. Maybe we team up with Admiral Proudmoore who I hope blames everything on his daughter for all the crap that he did during Rexxar’s campaign in Warcraft III.
Let us know what sort of cool hints and Easter eggs that you find in your adventures.