Fair Game: Alone in a Crowd, The Fine Art of Soloing an MMO

I’m not a ‘people person’.  Sure, in the quiet of one-on-one I can be quite social, but drop me into a crowd (especially a crowd of strangers) and I’m suddenly nursing a case of near-total misanthropy and have to be physically restrained from committing acts that the legal system usually garnishes with terms like, ‘extreme prejudice’. Funny that I should be such a fan of games referred to as massively multiplayer, but fate is often squirrelly-gone-nuts like that.

It’s not that I don’t like the friends I’ve made in games, because I do.  But my gaming time is often limited to an hour or so at the tail of a long and busy day. At that point, I’m not at my sunny, social best and, more often than not, I just want a little downtime free of the need to meet anyone else’s expectations (you know, expectations like courtesy or coherent conversation.)  And it’s not just me; more and more lately, I’ve noticed that I’m not alone in my desire to be alone. I’ve often heard friends bemoan the lack of privacy in favorite games. They sigh wistfully about having to play at odd hours just for the chance to complete a particular quest, or farm, without being pelted with greetings, invites and requests for help.

But it’s an MMO, you say!  Suck it up and learn to get along, otherwise you may as well just get offline altogether and play an old single-player game, right? Well, no. Not everyone who is drawn to MMOs is there for the multiplayer part of it. MMOs are dynamic; they’re constantly growing and evolving in ways that no static offline game, regardless of expansion packs, can possibly match. And sometimes, it really is nice to meet with your friends for that tower siege, or to have a random encounter with some friendly pick-up group that just happens to be going your way.

So what’s a less-than-social gamer to do? I’m glad you asked.

Decide what you want before you sign on.

If you’re only planning to be in-game for the time it takes to defeat a single boss or collect the pelts of a dozen Dire Weasels, then have that thought in your head from the start.  Then, when friends come calling, let them know that you haven’t time to join a group. Better to have an answer prepared beforehand, than to get frustrated and angry because you don’t know what to tell the six different people who’ve messaged you in the last five minutes and dammit, why can’t they just leave me alone?

Be polite, but firm.

No one is trying to ruin your day; they just like your company. When friends ask for help you’re not prepared to give, say so, but don’t be a jerk about it. Most people can understand having a tight game schedule, or a desire for some “me” time.  Those that don’t understand, or refuse to accept a polite, “No thanks, maybe later.” aren’t worth keeping on your friends list.

Be sure that “maybe later” actually happens.

Set some time aside for just hanging out online with friends, or even helping out the occasional stranger. Because constantly putting people off so you can solo and never saying yes to the courtesy of an invite will net you nothing but hurt feelings and an empty friends list. And an empty friends list is a sorry state to face when the time comes that you need help with something.

Remember that turnabout is fair play.

When a friend isn’t in the mood for company, or doesn’t have the time to help you finally get through the Gauntlet of Moderate Ennui, accept it graciously. You don’t get to ration your time with others and then piss and moan because they sometimes choose to ration their time with you.

Know that bad days come to us all.

Sometimes it’s easy to screw up and online it’s doubly so. It’s also easy to forget that there are real people making those avatars walk and talk (not to mention blow things up with mystic might.)  So if you forget any of the guidelines listed above and say something obnoxious, then for Pete’s sake, apologize. Maybe you can’t do it right away, but do it all the same. And be prepared to accept the apologies of others if the situation is reversed.

A little planning and consideration will go a long way to making your solitary career viable when you want it, and keeping your friends around for those times when the bosses are just a little too scary to face all by your (otherwise totally badass) lonesome. Ultimately, the goal isn’t to drive everyone away; okay, maybe sometimes it is, but usually it’s just to be able to go solo and immerse yourself in the game without the anxiety of social etiquette… or thinking in words. The trick is to do that without coming off as some kind of cane-brandishing, you-kids-get-offa-my-lawn old fart malcontent. So quest on, solo-adventurer!

Fair Game updates every Monday.

By: Lisa Jonte – New installments of Fair Game can be found at MMORPG.com.