“I just don’t see the attraction.”
“You’ll get addicted!”
“How can you waste your time like that?”
“Wait, are you addicted?”
“You spent money on that? But it isn’t real!”
“You are so addicted!”
Sound familiar? The well intentioned yet completely off-the-mark commentary we often hear from friends or family members who just don’t understand our love of online gaming? Yeah, same here.
Convinced that you’ll end up a desiccated husk, living in your own filth and helplessly strung-out on pixels and cheese-doodles, they sigh, they wheedle, they cajole and sometimes even threaten you to get you to give up the hobby you love. And it’s not difficult to figure out why. We’ve all seen the sensational news stories about people who became so consumed by a particular game that they lost perspective, (or worse) lost their jobs, let their kids starve or simply forgot to live themselves. But as tragic as those stories are, they don’t reflect the reality of most gamers.
But what can we do about it? I have a few ideas…
Pinpoint what the real worry is.
You can’t counter an argument if you don’t know what’s really being argued. Is Grandma terrified by all those news stories? Does your boyfriend resent the hours you spend defeating evil when he’d rather have you cuddling with him on the couch? Is your best friend convinced that spending real money on a virtual experience is a waste?
Whatever the concern is, assuming it’s reasonable, it can be addressed.
Counter fear with comparison.
Gaming is a hobby like any other, but in the grand scheme of things it’s still rather new. Like any new pop-cultural phenomenon, it’s going to take some time before gaming online is so commonplace that people forget it and find another new thing to get worked up about. You can help that process along by not getting defensive,
“But I’m an Epic Level Supreme Spoinkomancer! Do you have any idea how awesome that is?”
No, they don’t, and arguing from that angle isn’t likely to convince them of anything, except perhaps that you’re an epic level fruitcake. However, if you compare gaming as a hobby to other hobbies…
“It’s like reading a really good book, except that I get to be the main character.”
“I love the strategy involved, like playing chess, but more immersive, like a great movie.”
“Tickets to a football game cost far more than my new Snailodon mount, and a football game only lasts an afternoon, while Fluffy will be there for as long as I play Cybernetic Cephalopods.”
Now you’re cookin’ with gas! Don’t expect a single statement to change minds, but it’s a place to start. If you can continue the discussion in the same way, they may still not agree in the end but they’ll probably see that you’re being rational; true addicts are rarely rational about their addictions.
Address concerns with consideration.
Just because Grandma doesn’t know the difference between Sudoku and Everquest, doesn’t mean she’s stupid, and knowing that difference doesn’t mean you’re especially clever, so don’t be an ass. Gently remind her that news stories are meant to be sensational, that you appreciate her concern and are being careful not to overindulge.
Examine your habits.
Your boyfriend might be feeling left out for a reason. Remember, you don’t have to be an actual addict to be spending too much time in your favorite fantasy landscape. Your physical presence in the room together doesn’t count as spending time together, especially if your contribution to the evening is screaming, “Where’s the damn healer?” into your headset mic. Sometimes, it’s good to walk away from the keyboard and experience some real life “laying on of hands.”
Put on your tour guide hat.
Do you have a spare invite for your favorite game? Why not offer it to that doubting friend of yours. Who knows, she might fall in love with the whole experience and become a bigger power-leveler than you are. And even if she doesn’t, at least she has a better idea of what online gaming is all about.
If all else fails…
Even if you can’t convince them that you’re not addicted, you can point out that your “addiction” is far less dangerous than many others. For example, in one month, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day can cost upwards of twice what a WoW subscription costs in a year; the added bonus being that, with the game, you don’t also get lung cancer.
Besides, if you’re home gaming all the time, you’re not out getting into trouble, now are you?
What to do if they just won’t listen.
If the problem is much bigger issue than what I’ve talked about here, try not to argue. Really, it won’t help and things are likely to get worse, maybe even driving a wedge between you. The best advice I can give in that case is to get the help of a counselor, if not for the both of you, then at least for you. Talking to someone professional and objective can help you sort out how to deal with the other’s distress.
But if you can talk it out, who knows? You may just have yourself a whole new gaming partner! And just think how much easier it will be to defeat those flocks of carnivorous glitter-pixies, when Grandma is there too, armed with a few well-timed buffs and a fresh hot batch of homemade pwnage. Ah, thanks Grandma! You’re the best!
There’s a new Fair Game up every Monday.
By: Lisa Jonte – New installments of Fair Game can be found at MMORPG.com.
This kind of assumes no negative thing is occuring (and I’m refering to negative by your own standards, not mine)
A habit people often have is to come to a conclusion first, then look exclusively for evidence that supports it.
Very rarely do people look for evidence or define a measure that would disprove their conclusion. Mostly only scientists do that.
So, what would be an indicator of when it’s turned into a problem habby/habit?
If your gaming has begun to negatively impact other parts of your life, that would be a good indicator.
-Frequently calling in sick to work to stay home and game.
-Spending the rent/food money on game upgrades.
-Ignoring family and responsibilities so that he/she can game all the time.
Those are indicators of a serious problem.
Actually it is a mental disorder. I know I was a little over the top when real world things look like game things. Like I Will drive and see a pile of garbage wrapped in a green bag on the side of the road. In my mind, I digitized it to be a “farmable” resource. I would rationalize that playing all day in a new map is better, and safer, than hiking in the woods. I rationalized that I could get hurt outside, so its better to play indoors. I used to not think like that. It was not until I gained like 10 pounds from sitting all day in my early 20’s while gaming for over 3 years.
I joined a guild that met regulalrly from all over the nation. We got together at a restaurant. We brought gifts f gaming and what not, and although it was social, all we did was talk game… most members even brought hand held gaming devices… We were alwasy irritated and anxious to get back to the PC. Even then, I learned, as I drove in their cars, that we all saw things that we thought were in game things. “Oh, look at that noob trynig to pwn a boss” as we passed and saw some kid trying push his way past another. or “Oh, look I just unlocked 90 mph achievment”. “Oh look, I just got roasted hamburger to replenish me”.
I quit and have been mmo clean for years. I only come to these sites to see the current market, news, and sadly, the addicted people that will never admit its a mental disorder. It causes health risks in the long run. Sadly, worse than ciagarettes. Cigarettes affect you physically (and mentally with addiction). Games are the same. COmapnies know it, and that is why they are rich like the smoke comapnies. You + mental addiction + physcial inactivity = bad health and big profits for a company. Enjoy the fail. Thank god I quit. I now take photos in natural areas. I enjoy the real life rewards and the ability to blow off steam through NOT gaming. Poor kids, as I type this there are 3 game sites blaring their ads on either side of my screen. ewwww.
Well T., you’re right. Real addiction is a mental disorder (and good for you that you kicked it.) But that’s not what I was talking about here.