The 12 Laws of World of Warcraft

Most of these refer to in-game mechanics, inside jokes, or pop culture surrounding World of Warcraft inside jokes. You can add to, agree with, disagree with, or remove any of these as you see fit. I sat with a group of friends and jokingly brainstormed these up. Hope you get a kick out of them as much as I did.

Rule I:

You can eat and drink at the same time.

This just blows everyone’s minds when they first log in and start playing the game. It’s just something that goes against nature. Seriously, when was the last time you tried to eat and drink at the same time without, you know, choking? I’ve had problems doing just one without choking!

Rule II:

You can create fire under water.

Despite being once again against the laws of nature and physics, it is possible for fire to exist underwater. Many times I’ve laughed while playing a Mage and realizing that when casting Fireball underwater, it flies toward the mob without sizzling out.

Rule III:

You can run through walls.

With all games you’ll find some graphical and clipping errors, the ones where your mount’s head is sticking through a wall or your gun is inside some other person’s body (without blasting a hole through them). Some even use this to their advantage in PvP, such as when they stand on the upper platform in the AH of Stormwind.

Click through for the remaining rules.

Rule IV:

All weapons are for hunters.

As reiterated by the famous song “All the Ninja Raiders” and the related video by EmberIsolte (voice) / RavenSylpheG (video) / Roninhobbit (lyrics). With a vast array of weapons skills trainable, Huntards find a reason to roll on just about any loot.

Rule V:

Hogger is serious business.

Ah, the famous level 11 elite that must be slayed by all whom quest in Elwynn Forest. This mob has spawned thousands of general chat spam messages to the effect of “LFM: Hogger,” followed by the trade chat “Hey, level 1 raid on Hogger!” Of course, Blizzard got annoyed by this blatant disregard for him being ?? to people, and they nerfed the ability of level 1 players to join a raid by enforcing a level requirement of 10. And so the days of Hogger killing have somewhat died.

Rule VI:

High GearScore doesn’t mean the person is smart.

Blizzard has stated that they tolerate gearscore as a practical way for judging a person’s competence. They have also stated it shouldn’t be the only way to judge competence. Of course, the battle still rages on with arguments of GearScore vs. Skill. What’s your stand?

Rule VII:

Sarcasm is king.

It’s the internet, and we retain our relative anonymity through Blizzard’s servers . We never see people, and with the new Dungeon Finder tool, there seems to be less and less connection between people. We spend maybe 20-30 minutes with someone we just met, and possibly never meet them again. People can be rude, and people will be judgmental. Take the stand that it’s all sarcastic, and you will be a lot happier.

Rule VIII:

Stay away from Barrens chat.

The classic Barrens chat. Oh how I don’t miss thee. From the “When is Cata coming out?” to “Hey look!” with the following reply “Your name is unoriginal and sucks.” Barrens chat was the climatic chat that you would go to for lolz at the most random topic conversations that just about everyone in the zone has an opinion of. Stay away from it because sometimes, it ends up being 4chan in WoW.

Rule IX:

Trade Chat is Barrens chat.

As it turns out, Barrens chat is mostly dead. With heirlooms, people who are now leveling in that zone zip through it faster than a fat kid at a birthday party during cake time. People rarely visit the Barrens anymore. And most who used to troll Barrens chat now can be found in a major city to also get some, I don’t know, real trading done. From “Did somebody say [Thunderfury]?” to “I hear races can be any class now” to even “ANAL [Item/skill/talent],” Trade chat sees a vast variety of immature, intellectual or downright random conversations.

Rule X:

KIK.

If  you’ve ever attempted to interpret a chat bubble on a toon of the other faction, you’ll be familiar with this one. 99% of the time when [common] KIK appears, it makes me laugh out loud. Blizzard has some weird translations for cross-faction chat. And that makes me constantly wish to see a new secondary profession of Trilingual. Players would spend 5,000G on the profession, and choose one other language in which you’ll be able to communicate.

Rule XI:

Don’t ask, just tell.

Instead of asking whether someone knows something in-game, I would rather assume that they don’t, and volunteer an explanation. Whether regarding boss fights, mechanics, abilities, or IRL stuff that we chat about in WoW, it’s sometimes easier to assume the other party doesn’t know. For example, say someone else is doing something wrong during a boss fight, such as Koralon. They’re standing in fire. I assume they’ve never done the fight, and simply instruct them to move out of fire. This also can be the more polite route, as opposed to assuming the player is simply incompetent and lashing out by saying something to the effect of “stop picking your nose and move (insert random filth).”

Rule XII:

All Raiders are insane.

If the definition of insanity is repeatedly engaging in an activity while expecting different results, then raiders are a prime example.

Doesn’t that sound like Random Number Generator and the loot tables from bosses? How many ICC runs have I been in with my fingers crossed for items to drop, and yet they don’t? I’ve come to terms with this insanity. The question is, have you? I’m talking to you, players with <the Insane> title.

What other rules of WoW would you care to contribute?