Warhammer 40,000: Eternal Crusade – Dah Humiez & Der Werds

In early September, the development team of Behaviour Interactive teased excited players with the possibility of a newsletter written entirely in the guise of an ork from the Warhammer 40,000 universe. Everyone was excited and now the developer of Warhammer 40,000: Eternal Crusade has made good on that tease.

Below you’ll find the entire newsletter in all its orkish goodness. The rest remains behind the cut, including another screenshot. Don’t want to deal with the creativity at the moment? Here’s the English version. And let’s not forget about the new forums!


As da biggest boss of dem all sayz, “We is gonna stomp da universe flat and kill anyfink that fights back”– and we iz startin’ dis month by takin’ over da Eternal Kroosade newz letter. Us Boyz is runnin’ fings now!

Now dat we ‘ave your attenshun, dese are some fings wot ‘ave been ‘appening lately:


Dis month da ‘umies wot are makin’ Eternal Kroosade went out in dere Inquizishun yooniforms to tell you lot about dere game an’ to get recruits for da ‘umie side. They said stuff about dere plans fer conquerin’ da bugs and da spikey ‘umies and impressed all da runty gits in da room.

I fink if da crowd ‘ad been proppa green then dey wouldn’t ‘ave let these two tell ‘em wot to do. Dey ain’t even da biggest ‘umies on da team! But one of dem is da loudest so that’s somefink.


As dose of you wot lissen to da birdie-talk might know, da Eternal Kroosade Devboyz iz play-krumpin’ every week now wiv da ‘umies versus da spikey Chaos lads. Dey is doin’ lots of choppa an’ dakka and stuff, an’ fightin’ each uvva again an’ again, makin’ sure da game is proper balanced an’ dat. Dey better be good, dem ‘umies and spikey ladz, cos us Boyz is gonna be comin’ for ‘em soon.

I talked wiv dat ‘umie, Ghozland, and ‘e sayz dat da game is gettin’ proper good.

So dat’s yer news on da making of da game. Now I iz going to reply to some Boyz wot sent us questions:


To da boss umies of Eternal Kroosade,

I’m a powerful Bad Moon Nob. I haz plenty of teef, and I want to keep dem for meself an’ not give ’em to sum pointy earz or beakie boyz. So, will da microtranzakshunz for gubbinz an’ dat be proper ekspensive?

Da grotz tell me dat umies like to say ‘fanks’ at da end of letters, so… Fanks!

Boss Rokkitfella.

So I’z gots to make somefing clear first. If you’z a Boy wiv NO teef, den you can still fight for da Orks for nuffin at all. Dat’s right, you can fight for NUFFIN. You can fight wiv a Shoota, a Slugga, or a Deffgun or uvver fings like dat an’ it won’t cost you no teef. You just probably can’t be an Oddboy or wear fancy mega-armour or lead a Waaagh! or nuffink, though.

If you iz a Boy wiv a few teef, you can play da ‘ole Eternal Kroosade fing for da normal amount you iz always paying for dese electro-game fingies. Den you don’t ever need ta give more teef ta win or fight wiv all da normal Orky fings. Or ‘umie fings or spiky ‘umie fings or pointy-eared git fings for dat matter.

Dere is also a guy in da game, maybe a ‘umie, wot ‘as ‘is own shop wiv speshul verzhuns of fings you normally get from yer Warboss for fightin’. If you’z some kind of Flash Git wiv sum spare teef you can get more stuff off him. Dese fings aren’t better or worse at krumpin’ stuff, just diff’rent, see? You ain’t gonna win a Waaagh! just ‘cos you bought fings from dis guy, though.

So ta answer yer question… ‘ow many teef is ekspensive? I’z only got a few teef meself.

Oy, ‘umie! Yeah you, da git wiv da fancy cogit… cogitater… coggle… thinky computer-fingy know-wotz gubbinz!! I heard you’s setting up for a proppa WAAAGH! in a couple o’ years, and me and my boyz wants ta know – iz you makin’ nobz proper nobby ike they’ze supposed ta be, bigger n’ greener n’ meaner than other boyz or is ya gonna have ’em be just like dem beaky sergeants but orky?

I gots anuvva question – its da same one, but about pointy eared gits. Are dem exarch pansies gonna be proppa fluffy exarchs too? I ‘ope so, cos I like stompin’ dem pointy-eared gitz.

Yours brutally but kunninly, Grazzrot ‘Eadkrumpa.

I iz not a ‘umie but I’ll answer you anywayz. If you iz a Nob, you iz definitely bigger n’ ‘arder dan da uvver boyz. ‘Opefully you iz meaner too but you iz gonna ‘ave to prove dat yerself.

‘Course, a Nob ain’t a common fing on da battelfield. Dere is usually only one Nob ever twen’y Boyz or summink. So not every ork is gonna be a Nob, right? If every ork on da field waz a Nob, ‘oo would da Nobs ‘ave ta boss around?

From wot I ‘eard, dem exarchs iz of a similar sort, but you’d ‘ave ta squeeze dat out of one of dem next time you iz smashin’ up one of dere poncy craftworldz.

Finally, ‘eres a picture wot was sent in by one of our Mekboy readers. I fink it’s a self-portrait:


One more fing I ‘eard about Eternal Kroosade iz dat da krew’s nearly got somefing really, really excitin’ ready. They iz just puttin’ some more bitz an’ gubbinz on before it is ready to show to you lot. So if you don’t see somefing soon, send @miguelcaron a message ta let ‘im know you means bizness!

Dat’s all! If you boyz want ta know wot’s happenin’ next time, you oughta find one o’ dem spikey ‘umies, I ‘eard dey is comin’ around soon.

Makin’ letters is ‘ard work – time ta go clobber somefing!

Boss Grok Deffkrump
(wiv assistance from Brent Ellison)